Women everywhere rejoice! You no longer need to fear what may or may not be lurking in dark alleys waiting to ravage your unwilling abyss. RapeX: The Anti-Rape Condom has gone from being a psychotic neo-feminist fantasy to being a psychotic neo-feminist reality. For those of you who don't know exactly how the anti-rape condom works, pay attention.

A women inserts a hollow latex cone into her Oval Orifice. Inside the cone are several sharp teeth. If an unwilling sexual predator attempts to insert his penis into his victims Spasm Chasm the teeth will latch on, therefore rendering the would-be-rapist harmless. When he (or she) pulls his (or her) penis out the Ol' Bearded Clam he finds the device firmly gripping his (or her) member with it's jagged hooks. Then the rapist's head explodes from the agonizing brutality and overall horror. The female victim than drags the body home and proceeds to feed on the carcass until she decides to kill again.

Now I know your probably thinking that this punishment is well deserved for an act as brutal as rape. But I do have a few issues with releasing this to the public. Case in point... One website advertising this device mentions that it is as "comfortable as a tampon" and mentions the possibility that you may even forget that your wearing the device. God help the first man that buys this device for his wife who happens to be recovering from amnesia/Alzheimer's/short-term-memory-loss or just overall female stupidity.
I can tell you one thing... If my wife accidently mutilates my penis she will have to live with a lifetime of physical and mental abuse from me and several of our pets. And I can guarantee that looking back she will realize that being raped isn't as bad as the liberal media makes it out to be.

After all, rapists are just people like you and me. They just want to be loved. Rape is one of the things that helped establish Western Society. If pirates weren't allowed to rape and plunder sea hags and village women as they traveled the seven seas than we might never have gotten to see Johnny Depp kick ass in Pirates of the Caribbean. If the American colonists hadn't taken to raping Native Americans and Africans (as well as their land) than we wouldn't have the luxurious casino's and well bred pro basketball teams that we have today.

But there are other problems with targeting misunderstood rapists aside from the moral dilemma. The Anti-Rape condom can only be worn by girls over the age of 12 or 13. So once again child molesters who take advantage of boys and younger girls get off without a hitch (pun intended).

Then there's the issue of rapists living in fear of having there private parts shredded beyond recognition. So now, as a rapist, your going to start looking for alternative methods of intercourse. Unfortunately for women, the Anti-Rape Condom can only be worn in ONE of the numerous openings on a woman's body. So once again, by trying to help, feminists have found a way to make things worse for themselves. Maybe a good anal pounding will make them realize the error of their ways. If that doesn't do the trick than we can always depend on a RapeX customer trying to pleasure herself without first removing her Iron Snap Trap. With any luck, In a few years we will have mobs of bitter feminists raising their mangled bloody fists in unrelenting defiance of this male chauvinist society.

The chances of a woman remembering to wear her penis pulverizer on the same day that somebody decides to rape her are slightly lower than the chance that Condoelezza Rice isn't really a robot constructed by NASA. In an odd twist of fate, however, a womans chances of being murdered by a would-be-rapist that just had his man-pole lacerated with hooks has more than tripled. In response to a question posted on the RapeX website: Won't the rapist kill me? - the company answers by saying: "Sadly...nobody can guarantee the outcome of any rape". Wow. Thats reassuring. Almost as reassuring as knowing that if you are about to be GANG RAPED only the first guy will get tangled in your cunt-trap. Meanwhile guy #2, #3, & #4 are free to get uninterupted revenge for their fallen comrade's fallen cock.

Lastly the Anti-Rape condom brings another issue to light. The device is available in Small, Medium, and Oprah. So women will be forced to embarrass themselves at local pharmacies as they shyly ask for a Jumbo Value Pack in Extra Large. Better get 2 boxes just incase you decide to have more drinks next weekend then you anticipated you filthy slut! It's not like it's YOUR penis that will have to pay the consequences.

If I ever decide to rape a woman... (the line has officially been crossed, btw, for those of you keeping score)... anyway.. if I ever do.. I will be sure to buy myself an Anti-Rape condom, then flip it inside-out so the hooks are on the outside. And then... and then... well.. you get the idea.

Bottom line... rape is a serious and important issue... just not as important as the safety of my penis.