The picture above is scan of the earliest known photograph ever taken and developed. It may look like a drawing but it is indeed a photo. It dates back to 1827 and was taken in France. It is the view from a hotel balcony. More importantly, it is proof that aliens do not exist.

"How?", you may ask. Well the answer is simple. When I look at the photo above I see a building to the left, a tree in the distance, and another structure on the right. However, when you look at ANY photograph of "aliens" all I see are blurs and smudges and shadows of skepticism. How is it that a photo taken 30+ years BEFORE the civil war is more revealing than a 7.2 megapixel snap shot taken from a $500 dollar digital camera last month? It's as if every photograph of any elusive creature is taken using a prehistoric, black & white, web cam operated by a legally blind, aborigine standing in 12 feet of sewage. Or maybe I'm being too critical. Lets take a look.

The following picture is an actual photograph of the Abominable Snowman playing rugby with the Loch Ness Monster. At first glance it may be difficult to decipher but upon further examination it's as clear as day. And by "day" I mean cloudy, green, semen-smeared, diarrhea.

Below is a picture taken recently in Chile and given to the local press. If you squint your eyes and turn your head sideways you can just make out the little alien walking next to the horse on the left.


Do you see him? Maybe using this practice image to hone your detective skills will help.


Still didn't help? Well it's not your fault. After all, the alien photo was taken using a primitive Kodak DX6490 with auto-focus and digital zoom. The photographer would have been better off submitting and ALF coffee mug to CNN rather than that bogus "evidence".  Maybe if he hadn't stopped and changed his camera settings from full color to black & white he would have gotten a slightly better image.  But he is far from the only one to blame.  The latest mystery sighting reported was that of a "Dragon" photographed in the mountains of Tibet? Perhaps this photographer had better luck .


NOPE. Looks to me like a ripple in a cloud. (ha, that rhymes with "nipple on a clown") Anyway, unless they have changed the definition of a "dragon" without telling me, this is bogus. Didn't dragons have legs, and wings, and whats that called again...uh... oh yeah, a head. Are people so obsessed with the concept of the unknown that we must stoop to using fake images as "proof". Ever since Photoshop was invented I have given up on the old "Seeing is Believing" adage. Now I go by a new creed: "Tasting is Believing". So until I sink my pearly yellows' into a slimy hunk of alien flesh I'm not falling for anything.

I'd like to think that if aliens were really visiting this planet that they would make there presence obviously known. Granted, crop circles were cool for a while but now I'm convinced they are all fake too. Especially since somebody made a crop image of one of the characters from the video game "Space Invaders".  Classic prank but now you've gone and ruined it for me. Now I'm gonna have to get abducted in order to become a believer.

Along those same lines, but possibly more annoying, are the sightings of the "virgin" Mary in bowls of cereal, pieces of toast, and piles of fecal matter. The picture below is allegedly a vision of Mary refracting off of a large window in Florida.


I would argue that this is clearly a picture of porn legend Ron Jeremy.


But it all depends on how gullible you are and what you are willing to believe in. As a skeptic I don't believe in too much. I don't even believe in ultrasound pictures for babies. I guarantee that your ultrasound picture looked like this:

And, NO, I didn't sneak into your family photo album. But every single ultrasound picture looks exactly the same. Am I the only one to notice this? If I were a gynecologist I would save women the time and effort of getting ultrasound pictures and just hand them ultrasound postcards of the baby above. The women wouldn't know the difference. And I could use all of that spare time too look at their boobs and stuff.

-Sai